Day to day funnies

Some recent humorous exchanges with various people

Post Office
I drop a quarter into the parking meter and run into the post office hoping to pick up my parcel and be out in a jiffy. Hope fades as I see 4 others standing around, evidently for some time now. A construction worker, a young woman with a cute fidgety kid, a 30-ish man with faded tattoes from his teens, a grey bearded and rounded gentleman clad in a crisp shirt and trousers. I break the silence asking how long everyone has been around and that is sufficient trigger for frustrations to start pouring out. "The only other organization to beat USPS in slowness is the army" quips the bearded gentleman. In a few minutes, guess who walks in... Dolly Parton (pretty sure its her)...complete with massive silicone enhancements and all. Wonder why people do this to themselves I wonder as she makes easy conversation with everyone. The bearded man who was complaining all this time suddenly seems very happy about the long wait. Dolly talks about her Europe tour and the bearded man quips - "I just came back after a trek in Spain. Just beautiful.", A few more quips and it is obvious he is out to impress the lady. "I am going to be mountain climbing in Italy" oh and then biking this weekend." Dolly sizes him up and says "Hmm..thats impressive Mister, but just to be honest, you don't look in shape to do any of that". Silence. "eh... Think my meter is running out" says the bearded man and runs out! Dolly turns to the 30 ish man and says - "Those are some nice tats!" Mr. Tats basks under the attention and is soon confessing about his great escapes while camping in Oregon. I walk out finally with my parcel wondering - whats it with men and silicone?!





Vegan tact

Conversation with a flight agent

Me: Hello, I would like to ensure that you have a vegetarian meal listed for my parents

Flight Agent: Sure, they have an Asian Vegetarian meal

Me: Are there any other vegetarian meal options?

Flight Agent: Theres the lacto ovo -vegetarian and then theres the Vegan. (smirking laughter). Thats a tasteless option

Me: Ahem, fyi I am vegan

Flight Agent: huh err.. well isn't vegan quite tasteless?

Me: You can make it as tasty as any other, if you know what you are doing.

Flight Agent: (recovering) eh well, the vegan option on the flight is quite tasteless.

Me: Ah, you are probably right about that. Anyway, my parents are good with the Asian vegetarian thanks.





Email humor :P

(Emails flying around at work and people getting added to chime in)

Ted: Adding Amy. I think this issue can be handled in Amy's module.

Sam: Don’t see her on to/cc, did you BCC her?





Solution to all problems
(Weekend phone calls to sort out a production issue)

Me: We have a major issue with our production. Theres this issue, and that and that. Lots of problems.
Dad: "Ajmeri baba ko phone kiya?"
Silence. Then we all burst out laughing!

(Ajmeri baba is a psychic frequently advertised on Zee tv, an Indian entertainment channel)

Back to school..

Then...

The exams:
Praying at the Groto, The holy leaf, the holy water...
The Math 1 & 2 on the same day (shiver)
The Chemistry, Physics and Biology
The History, The Geography
The English, The Hindi
The Moral Science/Catechism

...Phew finally done. Yay, holidays begin!

The holikdays:
Trips to the library - The Nancy Drews, The Sidney Sheldons
The long evening walks and debates
The biking, skating, the chess games
The science lab at home and my mini experiments
The letters to classmates on those crisp blue Inland envelopes
Waiting with bated breath for the postman
Finally..The postman with our report cards

....Phew, passed the exam! Onto the next class :)

Back to school:
The new text books and smell of fresh paper
The careful brown paper wrapping with dad
The new school calendar - filling out the front page "Belongs to..."
The school calendar and checking for term holidays
The new brown skirt and blazer
The seeking of blessings from mom and dad
The piling up in the car with other kids to go to school
The excitement to make new friends
The neat rows of kids singing hymns and the school song...
"... Truth and Honor forever, Loyalty and Charity
Dear Nazareth to thy teaching, faithful we'll ever be....."

Now...

The exams:
The GMAT
The Admission Essays
The references
The Interview

Phew - all prerquisites done.

The waiting:
Waiting with bated breath for the postman.
Finally..one day, a text message saying "You are admitted!"
Followed by the postman with the admit letter from UCLA!
The Orientation on campus
The introductions and meeting new classmates
The facebook adds and the waiting to get started...

Back to school:
The material with case studies to read up on
The new 1 inch white folders for the study material
The school calendar and checking for term holidays
The seeking of blessings from mom and dad
The piling in the car and driving up to the campus
The excitement to make new friends
The rest is to be seen....

Then and Now...a bit different, yet much of it the same
(except - Then it was carefree and parents took care of the fees! Now - its all up to me :P )
as I head back to school this weekend
for an Executive MBA at UCLA!

Namaste! Which nostril are you breathing through?

I was going to write in detail about the science behind breathing but found a great well researched article on left vs right nostril breathing (link).

To summarize, we breath through only one nostril at a time and breathing alternates automatically between the two nostrils. You are calm and composed when you breathe through your left nostril and are more aggressive while breathing through the right nostril. Both mental states are useful depending on the situation you are in. For example, when you want to handle a difficult situation, you would want to breathe through your left. When you are competing or working on something with determination, breathing through your right can be beneficial. You can switch the nostril you are breathing by two methods:

a) by keeping a book or a prop under the armpit opposite to the side you want to breathe through. My parents tell me that this is the reason the ancient Indian Sages used a prop under their arms, in order to streamline their breathing.

b) by shifting your weight towards the side you want to breathe through.

The article I have linked above provides the science behind the breathing patterns.

Now one aspect that the article doesn't talk about is breathing through both nostrils. And that's where Namaste comes in! Most people know the Namaste as a gesture used by Indians to welcome or say hello. Very few know the science behind this gesture. Try it! Check which nostril you are breathing through, then bring your hands together in a Namaste gesture. You will note that you start breathing through both your nostrils instantly. Breathing through both nostrils is said to bring a balance in your mental state and this is probably why the namaste gesture is used when you meet new people, when you pray as well as in yoga.

As hard as it may be to believe that the nostril we breathe through has a bearing on how we react to a situation, this is one of those things that can be experimented with easily and the science behind the nostril breathing indicates that this is infact true.

So next time you are trying to deal with something, you know what to do!

Namaste!

Office Humor: Snack Time!

This is usually the "free donuts" table at work.

A couple days ago, a strange snack lay on this table:

A closer look:

Today, the "snack" has made its way up here...

...on the first-aid box!

"Looks like someone gave up?" said one.
"That too on Step 1! That's the good part" said another.

Wonder where the "snack" will go next!

Driver's Dilemma

Calling for ideas to solve this driver's dilemma!

The issue: A common sight in LA is a number of people driving around with one of their tail lights not working! While cops turn a blind eye to it most of the time, they do occasionally give you a warning (or a ticket). The "warning" is a pain in the neck as it involves a trip to the highway patrol office within 30 days to show that your tail light has been fixed - and then a $10 fine to be paid at the court (sounds simple - but ends up involving multiple trips since it takes a while for your case to show up in the court records and only then can you make the payment!) Enough said - I know because a really nice cop decided to give me a warning one time!

The Dilemma: So now as a good samaritan fellow driver, I itch to let people know that their tail light is off. But how? Some possibilities that have crossed my mind:

- Driving next to vehicle, rolling down my window and yelling out loud. I instantly feel stupid for thinking that anyone would hear me at 75 mph (or more!)

- Honking...bad idea...

- following the vehicle all the way to its destination! (I have seriously been tempted to do this on surface streets - but obviously I would then be driving all around town all day doing just this!)

- Developing a code with my headlights - blink-blink-blink-off-off-off-blink-blink-blink...

- Using an LED text display on my license plate frame!

Hmmm...none of that sounds easy does it?

This is something that bothers me every time I drive as I invariably see someone with a tail light off! So I have finally decided to blog about it and see if someone will drop in a comment with a cool idea.

How would you notify someone on the road that their tail light is off?!

picture source: http://istargazer.blogspot.com/2007/02/broken-tail-light.html

Hello Facebook!

Mom & Dad explore facebook.

After much debate, I decided to introduce my parents to Facebook. At first, I created a common account for them to share, but very soon, that turned out to be a bad idea with too many differences in social interation! So in a couple of days, Dad made his debut on facebook with a separate account.

It has been an interesting and amusing few days watching their reaction to the social network and how it works! Here are some reactions:

Mom: Now I know who ate what and who didn't sleep last night!

Dad: I have 17 emails from facebook! What do I do with them?

Mom: Umm.. is this a good idea? If I write a message to X - just about anyone sees it? (a long explanation of "friends", "friend lists" etc. ensues)

Dad: I can't find Saby anymore - I saw him somewhere here!

Mom: (to Dad) Why did you write using my ID? (Mom and Dad use the same computer - so there was a login mix up!)

Dad: (Looks amazed) That little kid I knew has added me as a "Friend"!

Mom: Its better use of time to do Kappal Bhatti yoga rather than spending hours on facebook! (starts doing kappal bhatti pranayam vigorously =) )

Dad: I enjoy seeing pictures that everybody posts!

Mom: Oh - wonder why but on that greeting card website - there's now a button called "tweet". Do you know what it is?

Dad: Says he has made a cheeky comment on a picture and is awaiting a reaction! (oops!)

Mom: Facebook doesnt have a schedule birthdays option like 123greetings does it?

Dad: Is suffering from a frozen shoulder from spending too much time on the laptop looking at facebook!

And thus - Dad's enjoying the facebook overload while Mom is skeptical.

Its that time of the year

Its that time of the year
when fire blossoms
in the night sky.

Gently at first,
as if to tease,
then Bright and bold,
as it turns fierce,
Playful sometimes,
as it takes shapes
of hearts and circles,
then faster and faster
a show of great Artistry.
And then the final hue
of Red, White and Blue
amidst applause and cheer.
Its that time of the year.